To the recruits of Tamnation:

I’m reading your e-mails when I can, but seeing as my IBM Thinkpad, which I won in a raffle from Stanford’s Senior Sendoff before I graduated college in ‘06, is dead, and my dead MacBook Pro is in NYC, I do not have the luxury of e-mailing all of you back. One of my readers, a lovely girl who’s from CA and headed to NYC (you know who you are!), e-mailed me about places to go and see while there.

If you’re headed to NYC (I am headed there in two weeks), find my “Keep Calm and Spend More” guide on a site called Nextstop, where my good friend Kevin Systrom, formerly of Google, now works. Blow it up. I desperately need access to your laptops and internet so I can keep updating, so you all know I’m still alive.

I have a question: I bought a plane ticket for a guy named Christian Rylander in Chicago, to get from LA to  Hawaii, but the ticket’s in his name so the airline can only issue credit for him. Kinda fucked up since I bought the ticket and need the money, right? He hasn’t paid me back for it and I really need the funds because I have five pairs of shoes and some dry cleaning ($150-200 worth) at a place off Southport and Diversey, in Lakeview area of Chicago, that Mr. Kim, the proprietor, is going to give to Goodwill if I don’t rustle up the funds ASAP. I need my clothes picked up from the dry cleaners, along with the pairs of shoes.

CHICAGO LOVERS, YOUR MISSION IS AS FOLLOWS:

• THE PRIZE?
• COPIES OF LEMON MAGAZINE (http://lemonland.net) THE DAVID BOWIE TRIBUTE ISSUE, “HEROES,” WITH DAFT PUNK ON THE COVER,
• TWO INVITES (you + 1) TO THE EXCLUSIVE LEMON LAUNCH PARTIES FOR THE CITY OF YOUR CHOICE. E-mail me at tam@lemonland.net to confirm you have signed up for this mission

1. Get to Southport and Diversey, you can get off at the Brown Line, and look for the Dry Cleaners that’s next to the Nail Salon that’s of course run by Asian people. Across the street is Tuffy Auto, with the big yellow sign.

2. Ask Mr. Kim, the Korean dry cleaner, for the clothes belonging to Tam Vo, including five pairs of boots. If you can’t afford all of them at once, ask for one pair. RESCUE THE SHOES, I NEED THEM.

3.  Say that I have authorized you, and that I was staying at 1334 W. Wolfram St, Chicago, IL, with Colin Metcalf (whom he calls “MAT CALF!”), Publisher of LEMON Magazine. Describe me as your friend, who is from California, and small and Asian and Vietnamese. My shoe size is 5, so if you can pay for one pair of the shoes and rescue them, awesome. Please keep them safe for me until I can get back to Chicago and pick them up for you in exchange for making you dinner/dessert/hugs. I went to Stanford, and am a size 0/XS.

4. I have a pink romper (shorts) with a sweetheart neckline, as well as a purple tunic with a blue tie. It’s silk. Please pick these up as well and keep them safe for me. Colin Metcalf is off to LONDON, so Mr. Metcalf cannot pick them up.

5. PLEASE DO THIS IN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, OR MY STUFF WILL GET SHIPPED TO GOODWILL AND WE DO NOT WANT THAT. IF YOU DON’T DO IT FOR ME, DO IT FOR BOWIE & DAFT PUNK. I need these outfits for the launch parties.

6. E-mail me confirmation of pickup: tam@lemonland.net or text me at 917.747.1855. Get your friends to help rally. Ask enough people to help, and we can do it together.

7. Save the cheerleader’s clothes, save the world. I NEED MY WARDROBE BACK.